Music

Thinking of a master plan

‘Cause ain’t nothing but sweat inside my hand


So I dig into my pocket, all my money spent

So I dig deeper, but still coming up with lint…

MY MOM [face red, mug tight]: What the hell is Columbia House music club, and why the HELL did I just get a $112 bill from them?!?

ME: Oh, Mom, I’m sorry.  I forgot to tell you, I signed up to get 12 tapes for 99 cents.

MOM: Then why are they saying I owe them $112!!

ME: Oh, damn, I forgot to send back the postcard they sent telling them I didn’t want this month’s tape.

MOM: What do you mean, postcard? So what? Why do you owe $112?

ME: If you forget to send back the postcard in time, you have to pay $112.

MOM: No, YOU have to pay $112, but since you don’t have a job and I do, YES, I will have to pay for this bullshit, because if I don’t they’ll mess up MY credit! I can’t believe you!

But now I learned to earn ‘cause I’m righteous

I feel great so maybe I might

Just search for a 9 to 5

If I strive then maybe I’ll stay alive

ME: I’m sorry Mom, I just really wanted some music. Some of my friends already have CDs, a LOT of CDs.

MOM: CDs! CDs! I don’t care about their CDs! You want CDs, get a job after school then go buy your CDs.

ME: But if I had gone for CDs, I would’ve only gotten six. Since I got cassette tapes, I got twelve albums, so it was kind of a deal.

MOM: Kind of a deal!?! It cost me $112. This really messes us up this month!

ME: I’m really sorry, Mom. I shouldn’t have done that.

MOM: I should take them all away from you.

ME: No, please don’t.

MOM: I hear you. You know every word to those stupid RAP songs.  Which isn’t even music. You’re memorizing that “puh, puh puh, puh” instead of doing your homework.

ME: Okay, I’m sorry, I’ll do my homework.

MOM: Is this one of the tapes [Picks up empty cassette case]? What is “Eric B. & Rakeem”? Why don’t they have real names and why do they have to wear such big gold chains?

ME: It’s “Rah-KIHM,” Mom.

MOM: Ridiculous. Don’t ever do this to me again.

ME: Okay Mom.

So I start my mission, leave my residence

Thinking how could I get some dead presidents…